And this is what they've done to us!

It wasn't all fine, it never is and never was. but what went wrong that particular day that it got into all this. you kill random people thinking its some sort of an ethnic war you're fighting. don't you ever take even a fraction of a second to realize that it is human life a very precious gift of god that you are messing  with, how do you even consider yourself worthy of being called a human. you're not human you're some blood sucking hungry monster maybe left out and about to claim lives.

all this dint quite bother me earlier on, cz sadly its no news that 4 to 6 people died due to whatever reasons. half of the time i dont even know and yes maybe i am cold i am rude or i like being disoriented. cz this is something that i can't supposedly help. but as this fresh wave of terror struck this awsome city of mine, not that it wasnt there before but maybe it wasnt this bad ever. i came out of my room and i asked and asked out loud who are these people cz neither were the papers telling any story nor would the television. i asked my dad i asked my brother and i wanted to shout and scream and wanted to know as if that would help, but it was a very strong urge just so that i get to hear those names, those redundant  names and as if it would please me or maybe put me to a hold. and then they started saying it and it dint get better but maybe i got somebody to blame. honestly i dint even watch all of this  and neither did i bother to read about it. cz i  was too busy with my own life. my iftaars , my family, their jobs, their stuff cousin's upcoming shadi the so called traditional plans of eid and i wasn't bothered. i was bothered i wasn't getting to go to the university, i was bothered i am sleeping too much, i was bothered i ain't praying much. but there was never a day i thought what would it be like for the mother who lost her son, or a sister whose brother got massacred or maybe a daughter who is now an orphan or maybe a left behind widow. i dint think i dint take out time to think. why, i dont even know myself  but what could i have possibly done even if i would have thought, i dont know.

why has human life become so unworthy, that we dont even consider it important anymore. period

Happyyyy Bithdayyyyyyy!!!! =)=)=)

Woww!! okay i dont even believe i am writing this bt yes, nevertheless i am!! i wanted to do something different and i do know its late, like your birthday is long gone! bt i guess there is always room for that particular wish rite!! so yesss, it was your birthday. so without further more pleasantries, yes A VERY HAAAPPPPYYYY BIRTHDAYYYY TO YOU!!!! =) God Bless!!! May you have loads more to come!!

I never knew you, just heard you once with mishaaal, you were there awain, liked you and started listening to you almost regularly!! i'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that you're good, trust me, nd you're different as well!! Now all thanks to the university these days, dont listen to you that often bt still whenever this voice goes on air from 96 its fun to listen to and it sounds good like always!! 

I am sure, infact i knw you have an amazing fan following bt the best part that keeps us going is you dnt forget old ones that easy! many wud have wished you and obviously made your day special bt i guess its my way of doing it! there are amazing memories attached to your shows, all those crazy discussions and topics at chain reaction, you and sarah nagging at each other, all those callers at D.W.M.S. and how can i forget i got a great friend via your show!! an amazing human being she is and so are you!!

So, i knw its gotten all drag and lame obviously nd without wasting more of your time, this post was to wish you and bless you!! May you reach heights of success! May you get all that you desire and hope and strive for! May you stay blessed always! And may you continue doing your thing because we know that you're super awsum!! =) Once again, A very Happy Birthdayyy To You Rizwan!! You truly are one of my favourite rjs, cz you sound sooo much like us!!!


Neuo-doc

 p.s. I aint that great with words, so yeah excuse that!!

Tangled

They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but then there are some who say "out of sight out of mind". What is it, it gets me thinking. How does all of this work. You came out of no where in my life and I never realized. When things started drifting apart, a realization hit and it hit me hard in the face, when did you become all so important to be actually thought about or maybe cared for. What was it that was drawing me towards you. Why was it becoming difficult to move on without you. You were never by my side but I guess you always were maybe as a silent observer. As the realization hit, maybe it slapped me back to reality, why were you there, since when?? Its hard to cope up when you know, inside you are broken and yet pose out to be strong. Do not really want to share it with some body, but then its getting claustrophobic here. Where do I go? what do I do? I am practically left with no option. I cant really rely on you, cz apparently you never mustered up the courage to stand beside me. Now that I have realized , I still am not sure. This life hasn’t really treated some of my homies nicely. So, how can I, somebody who is always like, this is bull crap! This doesn’t quite exist, its nonsense, go and extend my hand. I am afraid yes I am, cz it was never my thing and I think wont ever be. But then what is it, its bothering me….. Help me figure out, why don’t you just break this silence of yours and just blurt it out. Do it please, its all quiet  and this silence is getting disturbing now!! Help me move on or maybe just go away! so that I know nobody was there, it was just an illusion or maybe a nightmare!

Bless those souls, you call family…

Biological family, few people who are your sole identity when you enter this forsaken world. Weird phenomenon as it is, okay parents are acceptable cz apparently its because of them that you are here but the siblings you get like a free package with the only common identity being, you guys are the result of same people’s mistakes or good, whatever it is! Many a times the siblings are all entirely different but then yes its acceptable every individual is different. Still with all this weirdness they are there and you call them your family. No matter how much you hate them but that bond that exists is just inexplicable. You live with them , you grow up with them! They become somebody’s you know would be there when nobody would be. From your way of standing to your way of initiating a talk, they know you, they know you inside out. They are the only ones who take all your crap and would not even say a word. They are the ones who know when something has gone wrong even before your blurting it out in front of them. They are just so good at judging your body language, cz its something they grew up with. And that is the sole reason I say, its very different with the people you grew up with. They know your guilty pleasures, they know your grey areas, they are aware of all your highs and lows cz apparently they are the ones who have had enough of you. These people you call your family, let me tell you, are the best source to rely upon. You’d hate them one second and you’d love them even harder for the rest. They comprise of plain crazy people, they are just out right amazing beings.  They’d know when you are losing it and they’d also cut the crap out and slap you hard in the face to get you back to the right path. They are just always there. You screw up others might show you their back but no they would not do that! Their support for you would forever increase. They take your nonsense even though they aren’t getting any reward for it or anything. They hide your ugliness, your flaws, your lies, your mistakes without your asking them to do so. They love you no matter what, they adore you to the core. Truly may God bless those souls we call our family!!

Living a lie…….

Why is it that we tend to hide ourselves under the superficial layers of personalities! Why, is it that we are afraid, afraid that somebody might just know and you won’t be able to take that! Are we this afraid of our real selves that we fail to own it in front of them! Why, why are we like that! Why cant we be our own typical self and have nothing to worry about! Are we afraid of being judged or we are just plain crazy! This world either ways never stands by you unless their own benefit is involved. The why do we end up caring for them so much! Why do we change ourselves just to adapt to their particular standards. Aren’t we all living a lie that is our own? That we adhere to because we are afraid of God knows what! Maybe we don’t think our own self that worthy so as to adhered to! But no, every one is beautiful cz everybody is unique in their own way! So, why not just be your own self  and jump into this real world of real ppl nd leave that lie so far behind that even its shadow doesn’t come near you!! Try loving yourself; trust me you’ll end up adoring it!

Survivor I am.....

My head aches, it hurts bad! They are giggling right ahead of me, their giggles seem like laughs of monsters. Why did those innocent beings lose their spark? When they did they turn into those bitching devils? Where was i? Was i blinded all the way long. Or this world maybe, finds or devise a reason always, to make you realize it aint that smooth, honey! Since when it started, i have no idea! Like even the bleakest of tinge of that forthcoming disaster. Where was i! I despise myself to the core. Why that, which you try to suppress comes and stands right infront of you, when you least expect it! But i guess that is the real irony of life. It gets bitchier, why not for once your goodness is returned and if not even returned just forgotten! Why go being all bitchy, mean and hateful all the way! Nature gives you signs, it gave me too. But i think, i being the super smart being ignored them or maybe was in a state of self denial. Dint just want to believe in all that crap. I was being ignorant. Ignorance is a bliss, like truely, but ignoring it deliberately is something a sane mind would not do! Curse my intution, when did it get so strong?  I never realized or maybe i was too busy! All that it ,tried explaining me ahead of time, i kept ignoring for good reasons and it started coming back as such! Its once you ignore, and commit a mistake and then learn from it! But repeated mistakes arent appreciated. Life even doesnt give you that much of second chances. What happened to me?!?!?! What phase was i living in? Why on earth did i wait this long, to actually watch the storm come and sweep me away! Well, it did! They succeeded. They ruined my state of mind, i can hear them applauding each other, them hugging, them celebrating their victory! They are all huge monsters, they are crazy devils to me! Their presence now is disturbing! It makes me claustrophobic! But hey wait, they think they achieved it! I dont think so, the storm did manage to sweep me off but i guess there are few things to stay and i am one of them! This  whirlpool  alone cannot eradicate me or vanish me in thin air! I will survive and they would see!

Its not always about them, its about you sometimes!!

Life is crazy and it gets crazier still! there are days you are frustrated, there are also days you are extremely happy, but there are others who apparently cant just take that! its like asking them for their oh-so-precious wealth or something. but whatever. Life isn't all about everything being right, its about experiencing the stuff you never did cz you apparently cannot learn from someone else's mistakes unless you learn to make your own! Yes, as absurd that may sound but that is the hard core reality. Our elders might claim they guide us in the light of their experiences but its not always, that results turn out the same. So, you actually need to go out there and face the music yourself. Because there are different situations, different ppl always. Nothing is always the same! Things are weird  and they get weirder if you do not learn to let go. Cz there apparently, maybe a thousand reasons to make you sad and make you feel like some useless shit, but the art of survival lies in the fact that, that you embrace it gracefully and always end up finding a reason to celebrate or be happy about! It does get annoying at times. But then why forget, this world is a cruel mean place to be. If its difficult for you they try making it more! if its annoying they'll make sure they annoy you to the core, There'd be very few who'd stand by you no matter what! So. in case you don't end up finding that someone or maybe lose them on your journey, you dont supposedly stay behind but make your own self so much worth it that you dont need anybody ever!! it might sound naive or vague but its true, its the individual that matters. Nobody stays forever then why build your hopes on temporary outlets! Build your own self, consider it important enough to rely on cz it stays with you till the day you survive, unlike anything else!

Like i care....

What the hell?? like why ppl on this earth dont bother to mind their own freakin business! what, what do they think of themselves they can just mess with anybody's life anytime they want to, anyway they like!! matlab kyaaaa!! kya mazaaq  hai!! whatever pops up in  their heads its like their immediate social responsibility to inform every random person alive!! What nonsense! although its like i dont care! i always have that like i care look on my face nd that pretty much reflects in my attitude bt still atlesat we should respect the other person's integrity for once! matlab ajeeb koi awaam hai ! jska jo dil chahey wo farma deta hai!! another thing i dont get is why do ppl feel all gud and excited in intervening with other's affairs! like they dont apparently have a life or what or no issues of their own to look to or what!!  Nd why do i always rant abt stuff!! bt i guess thats mee! nd apparently this blog is like my junkyard! spit it all out!  nobody knows nobody cares! whatsoever!

Like trust me, ppl in our part of the world apparently have nothing good to do! so they take it up as their social and moral responsibility to blabber stuff about others lives and make them more miserable like they are not enough previously!! nd i believe the ranting has all gone redundant!! well who cares! its crap anyways! so yeah!! Buzz off!!

Random bakwaas

Had a hell lotta fun yesterday! yess!! the day started off kinda weird kinda all messed up!! bt then yess, you do have ppl who you call your friends to get you out of that zone!! Wowww!! the bakesale, i met like sooo many ppl wowww!! my seniors my acquaintances nd to top that my craaazyyy ppl who make this journey of life easier nd bearable with their words, their thoughts nd mostly their presence!! its a small world!! yess trust me its real smallll!!! i realized it when i entered the university!! =)
well!! aas this may give you a pretty gud idea that i am the most farigh person alive on this planet to date!! although i have to study like reaaal lot bt yet i just dnt feel like doing it abi!! i took an off from college apparently to do all the random stuff that can be most likely done! ppl might get an idea i am an idiot or a time water bt yeahh whatever, as if i care!! i am maad!! like trust me, there are days when i get pissed nd get all annoyed up on my ownself just cz i aint studying a thing! it does get frustrating! bt then there days like today that i dont feel like studying.. i dont knw why am i blabbering bt yess i knw i am gud at it nd well i do that all the time unless there sumthing terribly wrong!! what now, what do i plan to do, i have this cbl tomorrow that i need to study for nd apparently a weird psycho test on 12 maybe! bt i am doing everything except studying!! nd yess i am pretty okaaay with it abhi tak!! i knw raat ko i'd be like screaming on the top of my lungs on my own that what the hell yopu psycho lady, dnt you have a life, nuthing better to do or what!  bt yess i soo do feel like watching a good movie bt i am not! i even have agood book to  read which i will read after this! nd yes i have friends who get 4 or 3.5 of gpa nd then even they are always sulking about the fact god knws what wud happen!! ........ welll, i do have a realization that i might screw up big time in the future bt then again i have an equally good feeling that i'd sail by this upcoming storm! well yeah whatever! i guess enough of the bakwas! lets go and do sumthing worthwhile that is if i feel like doing it! byee!!! i am lameee i knwwww!!

They matter……….

Thousands of people come in our lives and go away but there are few who are there to stay!! And even if they don’t you would want them to!! Then why does this happen that we overly esteemed individuals, just don’t have the courage to accept their impact! Why don’t we, in time accept the fact that they are the ones who matter! Who bother! Whose every act is scrutinized by us if not deliberately maybe in deliberately! Why do our egos pop up as big monsters then, and rise up from their deep slumber so as to show they don’t matter! They aren’t worth it! Why do we have misleading actions and emotions! If they don’t respond, it bothers but why on earth does it happen! Are they too special or what! Or they are maybe the ones who’ve managed to trespass those hard rock walls around us that we built in these god forsaken years. Life is difficult. It is hard to imagine it without your peeps!! Survival without them does arise questions, which are too often ignored or maybe not thought of! Its frustrating you do pose you is strong, things like them or people like them don’t matter!! It really doesn’t bother you!! Bt hey waiiit!! You were posing rite! Yess! We all do that!! Because maybe by doing this we are just testing somebody’s affection or seeking someone’s attention!!! Why do we go into this whole reverse pschycology regime!! Why aren’t we open with words for once!! Why is it always the other person who does all the talking! Why wait!! Why not take that first step and show!! Why not be original for once! What’s the fear, maybe we aren’t returned with the same emotion, but why fear!! Life was all about living in the moment, rite!! And about taking those risks which others don’t! Then why not just go ahead!! Accept it!! Say it! Make your presence felt! Why hide yourself beneath those superficial layers of personalities, which many a times isn’t even what we want it to be!!!